Why Me: A Psychiatrist’s Note to Everyone Who is Suffering

Anyone who is reading this article is almost certainly doing so in a state of distress or misery. It may be something they or a loved one is suffering from. To be honest, there is no convincing answer to the existential question that everyone asks themselves- “why me???” or “why am I suffering?”.

According to my point of view, everyone has their share. This is something that is experienced by every human being or if I may say, is extended to everything that lives and breathes. Some things are not in our control, we have no power over them. This is an unavoidable part of the world we got in inheritance.

Suffering is deeply personal, your loved ones, friends, people around you will keep telling you that they understand what you are going through but in actuality, they don’t.

In times of severe distress, you won’t be able to provide adequate words or explanations. At that time you will grasp for answers to the most urgent questions which is “why”, “why me?” “ why this”?. Where were, my family, my loved ones, friends, buddies, who claim to love me, and care about me when the tragedy happened and how could they see me in misery?  

It’s clear that we are human beings, we tend to make mistakes, no one is perfect. Some of us bring suffering upon ourselves by the choices we make. But should we get punished over and over again for these choices? 

Each morning you will wake up with baggage, disappointment, powerlessness, and a feeling of worthlessness. You will drag yourself out of bed, with pain you will do what you have to do. There will be no interest, no desire, no intrinsic motivation involved. You will be doing so, just for the sake of doing it.

In essence, despite being surrounded by people you love, but you feel empty. During all this fiasco, somewhere, in a dusty corner of your being, you reach a realization that this will pass but doubt is still there.

You feel like you have entered what we call the dark night of the soul. Losing motivation, belief in yourself, don’t feel like doing anything, everything seems meaningless. These are the worst feelings you have ever experienced. 

When life turns from technicolor to a dull gray, it feels like a cosmic vacuum cleaner has sucked all hope from your system. Your happiness, smile, fun all is gone. No matter how many people tell you that good days will come, still you experience fear, doubt, and uncertainty. 

Most of us, who are suffering from some sort of illness, whether it’s a physical or psychological wonder why this happened when the higher power has all the control. We don’t tell anyone or ask anyone out loud at some point during our suffering but we definitely think it.

One thing which keeps disturbing people is that they are the only ones in pain. When they see people around happy, lively, living their lives to the stretch of the imagination, then they feel alone and most of them keep complaining about their illness. 

When you are suffering, the faith you have, things you have been trusting start to seem meaningless and wasteful, you don’t suffer just the loss of trust, faith, that particular precious thing; you also suffer the loss of the identity and security.

Your inner self is shattered, you are broken, hurt, life becomes meaningless to you. You feel you are being singled out; at times it actually happens. Your family turns their back. You are getting punished for all the bad choices you didn’t make, you are receiving the unexpected consequences for poor decisions.

You are living in a broken body, where everything is almost dead, the only thing working is that your heart is beating and you are breathing.  The dysfunction in body and mind is real, people will talk about you, most of them don’t take you seriously. 

At the end of the day, you are the only person left with reality which is that your misery is real, the damage being done keeps coming back and haunt you, the pain you experienced was horribly real, and the biggest loss is that you have lost your authentic self. 

With the suffering level of spirituality and religiosity also starts dropping. Some people start thinking that God is being unfair to them, or doesn’t care about them. When their prayers seemingly go unanswered, they get more disappointed.

In my opinion, pain draws out the true thoughts about yourself, people, world, your attitude, assumptions, and what you used to wish or desire for. You need answers to every question. It hurts badly when you see people around you happy, contented, full of life, living their lives to the stretch of the imagination.

And when you look at yourself, it just kills you, why God chose you for all misery, pain, and grief of having all the painful things in your life. But unfortunately, there is no answer to “why”, “why this happened to me only”. Despite all negativity, you have to accept everything.

When God keeps you in misery, agony, and pain, don’t question his love or have any doubt. Maybe during that time God is doing something breathtaking in you, for you, and through you. Nothing happens without a purpose. Every trial you endure has God’s will.