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The Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse

Dr. Farasat Ali Dogar

2 min read

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Walking out of a relationship is never easy and quitting one with a narcissist can be even more difficult. Psychiatrists say that narcissists do not necessarily love themselves and might even be filled with shame deep down.

They carefully construct an image of themselves and in order to prevent others from seeing through that façade, they work hard and employ destructive defense mechanisms to cause pain to their loved ones.

Most of the coping mechanisms adopted by narcissist are abusive. However, not everyone who resorts to abusing others is a narcissist. If you think you are being abused, you need to be able to clearly identify it, which is not as straightforward as it sounds. However, once that is established, your next step should be to build a support system, and learn how to protect and strengthen yourself.


If you were raised by a narcissist caregiver, you might be attracted to narcissists when you grow up. There could be several reasons behind that. First off, for someone who grew up around narcissists, a similar person might not raise any red flags.

The things that are familiar, even if they are bad, sometimes do not discomfort people. Moreover, people sometimes like to recreate the dynamic which existed when they were little, to heal the scars from that time. People often stay in abusive relationships because they take it upon themselves to make a narcissist love them. However, most of the times narcissists are just not capable of giving out love to others.


Narcissists also know how to pick their victims. Sensitive people are an easy target; because they have a nurturing personality and they care about how others feel. That’s why sensitive people attract narcissists because they know they are easier to manipulate. When a sensitive person gets in a relationship with a narcissist, he or she keeps trying to please the narcissist to get love and attention.

How it all start?

The relationship begins with the narcissist makes their victim feel extra special, by showering them with love, affection, and compliments. When the victim falls for the narcissist, the later slowly begins showing his or her true colors. The first step is often devaluation and it begins with the narcissist criticizing their partner and restraining themselves, making the other person feel as if they are worthless.

After that, the narcissist resorts to gaslighting, which means that they make their victim feel as if their perception of abuse is wrong. This often confuses the victim, who begins to feel as if the abuse is their own fault.

Sometimes, the narcissist manipulates the victim to believe that the abuse never happened. Later on, the narcissists often begin smear campaigns, to malign their partner and make it appear as if everything is their fault.


To make it even worse, narcissists use the method of triangulation, which means they use another person to make their victim feel jealous and insecure. As time goes by the carefully constructed false image of narcissists often falls apart and they reveal their true identity. They express joy at being able to destroy someone’s life as they thrive on this kind of excitement.

If you feel scarred because of an abusive relationship and require help to heal, visit a specialist doctor. You can book an appointment with a top Psychiatrist in Islamabad, Karachi, and Lahore through oladoc.com. You can also call our helpline at 042-3250-044 for assistance to find the RIGHT Doctor for your health concerns.

Disclaimer: The contents of this article are intended to raise awareness about common health issues and should not be viewed as sound medical advice for your specific condition. You should always consult with a licensed medical practitioner prior to following any suggestions outlined in this article or adopting any treatment protocol based on the contents of this article.

Dr. Farasat Ali Dogar - Author Dr. Farasat Ali Dogar is a Psychiatrist. Dr. Farasat Ali Dogar is among the Best Psychiatrists in Lahore. He has a M.B.B.S. and F.C.P.S. (Psychiatry) degree along with an experience of 11 years. He is also a member of Pakistan Medical and Dental Council (PMDC) and its pmdc number is 55390-P. Dr. Farasat Ali Dogar practices as a Psychiatrist at Online Video Consultation and Mid City Hospital and charges 2500 and 2500 respectively.
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